Joke: Man making love to dead woman A man was brought before the judge and charged with necrophilia -- making love to a dead woman. The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!" The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons: #1. It's none of your damn business; #2. She was my wife; and..... #3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!"
Joke: Grandpa marrying young nymphomaniac Grandpa had just told them the news - he was getting engaged to a twenty five year old nymphomaniac. The family was very concerned. His eldest daughter spoke confidentially to him. "Dad, we're most concerned that sex with a girl like that could prove fatal." "So what?", said Grandpa. "If she dies, she dies."
The Three Nuns Three nuns were in the church the other day and the 1st nun says, "I was going through the Father's office and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!" "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.
Retired US Marine A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked, "Do you have any military experience?" The Marine replied, "Why, yes! I've been in the Marines for a couple of years." "I see," said the interviewer, "any disabilities?" The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. "Well... In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles." The interviewer, quite shocked, said "All right, you're hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am." "Wait wait!" shouted the Marine, "When do the others start? I don't want any special treatment just because of my disability." The interviewer replied, "Well... I'll tell you the truth. Everyone normally comes at 7:00 in the morning, but nothing gets done until 10. All we do is sit around, scratching our nuts trying to figure out what to do."
THE PASTOR'S ASS The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT! The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. The was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10! This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE! The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is....being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, and even shorten your Life. So be yourself and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer.